High School Doesn't Have to Suck

From the day I entered elementary school, I was dreaming about being a teenager in high school. High School Musical and Hannah Montana made me believe that high school was all about driving to cool places, spending weekends with friends at the beach and living a fun, carefree life. Here’s the problem: gas is expensive, I don’t live near a beach and I care too much to be carefree. When I finally entered freshman year, my magical high school dream came to a sudden halt. It felt as though I went from a fun, bubbly kid to a self-conscious teen within seconds. The girls had nicer hair, they were thinner, they wore makeup and then there was me- a kid. Within a few days I had made a group of friends and things started looking better (still no High School Musical though, where was all the lunchtime singing?). My AP Government teacher told me to join a club. A cute senior dragged me into speech and debate, and of course I agreed to join. I was awkward, soft-spoken and shy at first, but once I found myself in the community, my voice spoke for itself and I made new friends that I stayed with through high school. Slowly, I was finding myself within my school. But then the bullies came along. I didn’t understand why someone felt the need to call me names and then run off giggling about it, but I shrugged it off. Classes got harder and kids got ruder as the year progressed. Upperclassmen told me that I was just a freshman, things change. Things didn’t change. I changed my perspective. Sophomore year hit me before I could even comprehend that freshman year was over. I made the decision to take 6 advanced placement classes; quickly I learned that stress was a thing. I spent my days flustered over what I had to accomplish, typically achieving next to nothing. Had I simply sat myself down and made a list of all the things that need to be done, how they would be done and by when I would finish them, I would not have been a stressed mess. Disorganization was my worst enemy but laziness became my best friend. Junior year was by far the most difficult, but I learned more than I thought I possibly could, both about myself and within the world. I started an anti-bullying foundation within my school because I wanted to make a change. This is probably the highlight of the last 4 years of my life because I know that I can make a change; I can change something that very directly affected me. The ACT and SAT were creeping up on me, I had another butt-load of AP classes (I think this proves that we forget pain after it’s gone), I had 2 competitive sport but none of that mattered- I was alone. If I could go back and change one thing, it’s forgetting my friend because of trying to fill out a resume for a college application. The best moments from high school that I have made so far are the ones that involved my friends, even prom. So here’s a quick list for all those that are going into high school: Join a club and get involved with your school. Don’t gossip. I cannot stress this enough. Manage your load in a way that you know you can handle. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Get a planner and regularly write out what you have yet to do. Make time for yourself. High school is a hard time in everyone’s life, but it’s what we make it. In the words of Hannah Montana, “life’s what you make it so let’s make it right.” Wake up with a smile, knowing you can make a difference.

Traveling Alone

Recently I went to Slovakia by myself to visit friends and family. It was tons of fun and the freedom felt great until bumps in my road occurred. Traveling alone on a budget isn't easy. I often would skip lunch because I didn't have the cash to buy something. But I still had a good time. I realized that money doesn't grow on trees and it is indeed limited. Right when I got home I went on a massive shopping spree but it felt good. On the way home, all 3 of my flights got delayed and instead of a 16 hour trip, it was a 25 hour trip. I realized that while I may be mature and independent, I still need my mom to answer questions like "my flight got delayed and I will miss my connection, what do I do?" But I learned. And I got 2 tattoos, one of which is a friendship tattoo with a best friend of mine. Fun days. -Sylvia Karjala

Finals

As the end of the year approaches, finals season is upon us. I just wanted to remind any passer-by that you CAN do this. You can push through! I know this time of year is beyond stressful but take a step back and remember your goals, what you're thankful for and take a minute for yourself! Finals suck but they are not the end of the world nor are they impossible. You know more than you think you do and you can do more than you realize. Stressed out at work? Remember to breathe, smile, take one thing at a time and realize that nothing is permanent. No bad feelings last forever and enjoy the fun ones while they last. Just keep climbing! Love always.

Don't Look Back

Sometimes, when things end, it's best to leave it at that and move on. The boy that I dated December 2014-June 2015 decided that it would be appropriate to message me again saying sorry. While I appreciate the gesture, it would have been better to leave things alone. The other day he told me he loves me. Something I find really irritating is that he throws those words around like candy. They're supposed to actually mean something, right? Don't come asking for me back when it was you who left. Don't come telling me I'm amazing, that's not what I want to hear. Tell me you're sorry and leave. Or don't come back in the first place. But don't you dare tell me you love me and want me back. You don't know what love is.

Secrets and Lies

We've all got our little secrets or white lies but when is it too much? In all honesty, I've been exploring the world around my through the eyes of someone else. I pretended to be someone else. I basically lived two lives: The one that all my friends were aware of, and the one that no one knew about. So basically only about 30% of people who talked to me regularly, actually knew me. The first round of my double life, I became too stressed out and decided to kill one of me. The second time around I got shut down and now I realize it was for the better. Whatever you're lying about, don't convince yourself that it's okay, it's not. Lots of love.

My Experience with Distance

As anyone that reads my blog will know, I take part in long distance relationships all too often. Since I was about 13 people have told me that long distance never works and I even went so far as to "date" boys in England. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. Up until about a week ago I believed that I absolutely had to prove the world wrong by making a long distance relationship work. Quite frankly I'm done trying to prove myself. I'm done trying to make something work that will eventually fail. So let me tell you what it's been like. The emotional connection that you have with the person is fun while it lasts. The paranoia and anxiety over what they are doing at all times is heart-attack worthy. The craving to see them is insane. The worst part is, you don't interact with the person physically so you end up making up some things about them so that in your perfect little relationship world, they're perfect. They tell you they don't cheat, you believe them. After all, they make you feel special! Why would they cheat? They tell you they love you, you believe them. After all, they make you feel like you matter to them! Why would they want to use you? But the fact of the matter is, when you see them, sexual matters become a concern and things move far more quickly than perhaps expected. The tension is so huge because of not seeing each other often that it's a bit much to handle. The pain of not being able to send them flowers or surprise them at work or sit with them at lunch is surreal. The pain of time differences is awful. The pain of fighting over distance is not worth it. I've always put 100% of myself into relationships whether they're long distance or in person but the thing is, I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of being let down by people that were perfect in my head but ultimately horrible in reality. Sometimes we don't see the dark side of people; not because it's not there, but because we choose not to see it. Our minds are incredibly powerful and when we want to think something is a fact, we will indeed think that no matter what evidence shows otherwise. All you young girls and boys out there that could potentially stumble upon this one of these days: don't do distance. If you've never met before in person and you think it'll work out, it won't. It's a different story when a home town relationships becomes distance but even that is difficult. If you're a teenager and you think you're the exception to the failures of distance relationships, you're not. Don't believe that you are. I believed that I was. Every single time I was in a distance relationship I believed that this time would be the exception. And you know what? Time and time again I'm proven that I am no exception to the failure of distance relationships. Just don't do it. Don't put yourself through that. Take it from me, it won't end well. I'm happy now. But now my happiness doesn't require a boy, it's solely based off of me and I'm so proud of that. Stay strong through no matter what obstacles life throws at you. Lots of love, -Sylvia.

Slovakian Adventures

This summer has been blissful. I've met so many wonderful people and have created so many new beautiful memories. I've explored a new faith and fallen in love with the world. My friend has been rooming with me for a week now and we decided to go for a Friday outing to go dancing and whatnot but 10 minutes into our adventure we were approached by boys in their low 20s.They said they were visiting Bratislava and wanted 2 pretty girls to show them around so we decided to show them to a few pubs. We ended up spending the whole night with them. My friend went off with one of them and I was stuck with the remaining 2 which wasn't bad but one of them was incredibly touchy which is awkward being taken and all. But it was a night I won't forget. I was flattered to have been approached. This summer I grew. I fell in love and opened my eyes. I'm ready to take on the next year and genuinely enjoy it. Thank you Slovakia. I love you.

Free at last

The thing with breakups is that it takes time. Before my ex and I broke up, I thought it would hurt endlessly to lose him but the thing is I'm free now. I'm free to be who I want to be. I can go to whatever university in whatever state I want to go to, not dictated by his choosing. He's going to certain university? I don't have to go there. He's going to live in a certain state? I don't have to live there. He's going to ignore me for days and then pretend it's all fine? I don't have to deal with that. He's going to make me feel like a pile of dirt because that's what he is? I no longer feel that. I'm free. But for any young girls reading this, if you feel like crap throughout a relationship, that is NOT okay. Don't let yourself be dragged down merely because you think you are in love. And if you hear someone say similar words as I'm saying, don't dare think you're the exception because guess what? You're not. I thought I was. I know now my relationship and feelings were no exception to the status quo. If you feel extreme anxiety and pain because someone is ignoring you and not showing you love, that should show to you nothing less than that you're worth more. I'm incredibly lucky to have my best friend back home, my family over in Slovakia and everyone else supporting me and my decisions. You're never alone. If you crave a relationship, build one on love and don't obsess. If fear is holding you back from loving someone, take a step back and breathe. Think about what really matters. Will you marry this boy/girl? Can you imagine a HAPPY future with them? Do they treat you as kindly as you treat them? Will they always treat you this way? Have they ever intentionally made you feel bad? Do you think about what they're doing with a tightness in your chest all day? Does it frustrate you when they're online but won't pick up the phone or text you? Think about these things. Especially if internally you're questioning your worth and the relationship. The one thing I've finally learned from my last wretched relationship is that I need to trust my feelings and that I'm worth so much more than I realize. But for once I can breathe. For once I don't feel the weight of the world in my heart, for once I'm not rushing to finish high school because my boyfriend is done. Finally I'm me. Finally I'm happy. And guess what? My happiness is not due to a boy. I'm free.