Traveling Alone

Recently I went to Slovakia by myself to visit friends and family. It was tons of fun and the freedom felt great until bumps in my road occurred. Traveling alone on a budget isn't easy. I often would skip lunch because I didn't have the cash to buy something. But I still had a good time. I realized that money doesn't grow on trees and it is indeed limited. Right when I got home I went on a massive shopping spree but it felt good. On the way home, all 3 of my flights got delayed and instead of a 16 hour trip, it was a 25 hour trip. I realized that while I may be mature and independent, I still need my mom to answer questions like "my flight got delayed and I will miss my connection, what do I do?" But I learned. And I got 2 tattoos, one of which is a friendship tattoo with a best friend of mine. Fun days. -Sylvia Karjala

Nothing is Permanent

I've been super busy doing things that are stressful, time consuming, or frankly things I'd rather not be doing. Every time I go to work I have to remind myself to smile and to be respectful because nothing is permanent. Every bad time passes, every final is at some point over, every job at one point ends and every feeling goes away whether it be good or bad. Through tough times, though its difficult, you have to remind yourself to smile and push through the storm because eventually, it WILL end.

How to Handle Stress

Let's be real- school, relationships, work, life in general gets stressful. So far this year I've cut off a relationship, started working, started 2 new leadership roles, and basically I'm going crazy. My stress-release is the gym but with my new diet designed for cutting, my lack of simple carbs is making me cranky. I find it amusing that I genuinely enjoy going to work- pushing carts, bagging groceries, cleaning spills... doesn't sound too glamorous does it? Somehow work is really lovely for me. I love most of my coworkers. When it comes to school, my stress level is breaking me. So at the end of the day.. school still sucks. Love always.

My Experience with Distance

As anyone that reads my blog will know, I take part in long distance relationships all too often. Since I was about 13 people have told me that long distance never works and I even went so far as to "date" boys in England. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. Up until about a week ago I believed that I absolutely had to prove the world wrong by making a long distance relationship work. Quite frankly I'm done trying to prove myself. I'm done trying to make something work that will eventually fail. So let me tell you what it's been like. The emotional connection that you have with the person is fun while it lasts. The paranoia and anxiety over what they are doing at all times is heart-attack worthy. The craving to see them is insane. The worst part is, you don't interact with the person physically so you end up making up some things about them so that in your perfect little relationship world, they're perfect. They tell you they don't cheat, you believe them. After all, they make you feel special! Why would they cheat? They tell you they love you, you believe them. After all, they make you feel like you matter to them! Why would they want to use you? But the fact of the matter is, when you see them, sexual matters become a concern and things move far more quickly than perhaps expected. The tension is so huge because of not seeing each other often that it's a bit much to handle. The pain of not being able to send them flowers or surprise them at work or sit with them at lunch is surreal. The pain of time differences is awful. The pain of fighting over distance is not worth it. I've always put 100% of myself into relationships whether they're long distance or in person but the thing is, I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of being let down by people that were perfect in my head but ultimately horrible in reality. Sometimes we don't see the dark side of people; not because it's not there, but because we choose not to see it. Our minds are incredibly powerful and when we want to think something is a fact, we will indeed think that no matter what evidence shows otherwise. All you young girls and boys out there that could potentially stumble upon this one of these days: don't do distance. If you've never met before in person and you think it'll work out, it won't. It's a different story when a home town relationships becomes distance but even that is difficult. If you're a teenager and you think you're the exception to the failures of distance relationships, you're not. Don't believe that you are. I believed that I was. Every single time I was in a distance relationship I believed that this time would be the exception. And you know what? Time and time again I'm proven that I am no exception to the failure of distance relationships. Just don't do it. Don't put yourself through that. Take it from me, it won't end well. I'm happy now. But now my happiness doesn't require a boy, it's solely based off of me and I'm so proud of that. Stay strong through no matter what obstacles life throws at you. Lots of love, -Sylvia.

Slovakian Adventures

This summer has been blissful. I've met so many wonderful people and have created so many new beautiful memories. I've explored a new faith and fallen in love with the world. My friend has been rooming with me for a week now and we decided to go for a Friday outing to go dancing and whatnot but 10 minutes into our adventure we were approached by boys in their low 20s.They said they were visiting Bratislava and wanted 2 pretty girls to show them around so we decided to show them to a few pubs. We ended up spending the whole night with them. My friend went off with one of them and I was stuck with the remaining 2 which wasn't bad but one of them was incredibly touchy which is awkward being taken and all. But it was a night I won't forget. I was flattered to have been approached. This summer I grew. I fell in love and opened my eyes. I'm ready to take on the next year and genuinely enjoy it. Thank you Slovakia. I love you.

Escaping reality

Yesterday my Slovak babe and I went to her weekend house in a small village in Slovakia. We grilled chicken and ate chips and then I taught her how to make s'mores. Walking around, we met some cool people and even had our drinks (mineral water) bought for us at the pub we went to. Getting mineral water at a pub? Yeah we're those girls. The best part however was not getting to spend time together and eat good food, it was being away from people we knew and being disconnected from the internet and cell service. We were free from any pressures of society and could at last be ourselves. That's what I value most out of everything. We ended up walking 12 kilometers to get home which was a journey in itself. On the way home we stopped to get some cheese and milkshakes which was amazing. Little moments like these end up making time worthwhile.

Slovakia

I've been here in Slovakia a few weeks now and I absolutely love it. The people are so sweet, the food is amazing, I walk over 17000 steps per day too! Honestly I've missed it here so much! My best friend is here, we've already created so many new memories. The history behind every village and town is mind blowing. I'm going away for the weekend, no signal or anything which I'm oddly excited for. Sometimes it's nice to leave reality for a bit and find yourself. Also, I made a fitness-related tumblr that anyone who reads this should follow: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fitnessisalifechoice

Heartbreak

So there was this boy, he was a great boy... or so I thought. I was wrong. I dated him for 6 months, flew out to visit him twice and loved him unconditionally. We got along really well and had plans for the future which I held onto. Today I arrived in Slovakia but as I stepped off of the plane in Paris, I noticed that he blocked me on Tumblr and Facebook. I frantically texted him only to receive an immature reply of "I did warn you. But you thought you were different. Special. When all along, you were just another heart in my jar." I hate to break it to you hun, my heart is no longer yours. In fact, it never was. It hurts to lose him but I know its right. There are better people out there, I know I'll find them. I'm worth so much more than this pathetic excuse of a boyfriend. I'm worth it. I deserve it. I'll be okay. I am, after all, imperfectly perfect. "There's no such thing as failure" -Dream on Dreamer Love always, -me.

Post-Warped/Flight #1

Warped was actually kinda fun, I met some bands. I met Escape the Fate, Our Last Night, The Amity Affliction, SayWeCanFly, Consider Me Dead, and some other cool people. It was really hot, I'm pretty sure I sweat out 1/2 of my body weight. The free Monster was actually bad because I drank far too much and got really jittery and in that heat, it wasn't a great idea. I crowd surfed and moshed- you know, the usual Warped endeavors. Today I had to wake up at 5 in order to make it to the airport to catch an early flight to LAX, then 2 more stops until my destination. If LAX lived up to the name I'd be happy but frankly it is the opposite of lax, its like a-lax because this stupid airport is stressful as nothing else. Finally got my MacBook fixed though, highlight of my day.

Warped Tour 2015

Warped Tour is today- I'm really not as excited as I used to be. Maybe it's because it is extremely hot outside (113 degrees!) or simply because I'm growing up. Growing up kinda sucks. I hope I'll meet some cool people, I'm really excited to see The Amity Affliction. Too bad my close friends aren't going, can't blame them though. Leaving the country tomorrow- my schedule is utterly crazy. I got back from Massachusetts last Tuesday, today is Warped, tomorrow is a long series of flights and in the midst of all of that, I've had SAT prep sessions. Woo to being your average over achiever. Until next time.

Back to school!

Hey guys, school started for me one week ago and it's already intense. I go to a college prep school (BASIS) and we already have 7 quizzes planned for this week. I hope I can make it through this year without breaking down too much! Is anyone here really good at chemistry? I may or may not need help. Thankfully AP Calculus and my other AP classes are going relatively well. I hope you all have a great school year! Remember: study hard and get A's. It's important. No matter how hard or stressful things will get, you can do it. I promise! Stand strong. Love always, -Sylvia <3

Over thinking

Do you know what it's like to overthink? Let me tell you that it sucks. I personally am a very passionate person. Meaning I feel everything. Every little thing people say has an impact on me. This doesn't have to be a negative impact. For example saying that you adopted a puppy will make me feel a very strong fuzzy feeling. But when someone says they have to talk to me but they don't tell me why, that stresses me out so much that I want to drown. It's scary. I don't even know. Feelings suck. And yes, hormones rage in teenage bodies but hormones are not entirely to blame for emotions. Sometimes I wish I was numb. At least right now I wish I could be numb. Remember to smile.

What if...

What if I'm not enough? What if he finds someone else? What if she learns to hate me? What if I'm not the only one that hates me? What if there is someone better for him out there? What if I can't make it? What if I lied? What if I'm beautiful? What if I'm worthy? What if there's more to me than this pain? What if I do make it through? What if I can't move on? What if I can't let go? What if I need you? What if I love you? What if I lose you? I'll be okay.

Self worth/thank you

Last week I attended a camp for Congressional Debate called SWSDI. I learned a lot about debate but more importantly I learned about myself. It's easy to think that no one loves you, or that no one cares, but SWSDI kids taught me otherwise. They made me realize that I am loved by many people and frankly if I left this world, they'd be affected. I realized that I am worthy. I gave a speech on self love and I wanted to take a minute out of your day to tell you to go to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself that you are worthy, beautiful, smart, and most importantly, a boss ass bitch. Life is too short to hate yourself and honestly you're stuck in your body so you might as well love the one you've got. There is no one better at being you than you. Realize that there is someone out there that will love you forever. And you will love them too. If you dwell on how much you hate yourself, how can you possibly expect anyone to love you? You need to put yourself first for once. People DO care about you. I care about you. I would like to thank the people that helped me realize that life is worth living. I hope you all stay in my life forever. First off, my best friend Marggie. You're absolutely beautiful in every single way. You give me silly advice that makes me smile and almost makes the problem evaporate. You're the only person that would support me in moving to Jupiter if I wanted to. In fact, you'd move with me. I love you. Next are Patrick, Erin, and Aamirah. Now Aamirah and I have had our ups and downs but you still changed my view of myself. The three of you sat me down to tell me that I'm worthy. That there is a light inside of me that someone will appreciate. Thank you. Nicole, you made me see that I can escape my problems through music, much like you do. I rely on music to get me through some days and it reminds me of when we met at the Bury the Hatchet tour during Escape the Fate's set. I love you. Aaron, oh Aaron, you talk to me about silly little things that brighten my day just a little bit. You don't realize just how much these pointless conversations mean to me. Jay, you have shaped me as a debater and as a person. You've indirectly shown me to be confident in everything I do, not just my speeches. Robert, you have always had my back, since day one. I have never appreciated conversations more. You are one of my bestfriends and I love you. We have deep conversations but we also stay light on our feet. Thank you for listening to my rants and understanding me in a way that most can't. The beyond gorgeous Jocelyn has shown me that through the ups and downs of life, there are still people by my side. You were like my sister through the rough parts of life and you still continue to be there for me. Shay is just as much of a mess as I am but we lean on each other. I'm sorry if you're reading this and you're bored, I just think we need to take more time out of our days to thank the people that we love. Orion, you'e been here for me for the last five years and I hope you stay around. I'm always here for you, I hope you know that. Last but unquestionably not least is Leon. I love you so much I can't put it into words. Of course this isn't everyone, but these people shaped my life dramatically. And I thank them. Sorry for almost ranting. I am always here for you guys no matter what. Don't hesitate to contact me. Kik: sisogula Snapchat: rebelchild111