Walk Away

Recently, I went to a debate camp thing. I do Policy debate which if anyone knows anything about it, it's hell. I decided that the camp would be a good idea for me to get better and for me to fully get a grasp on the topic and debate style. The camp started and all was good, I was enjoying it; the people were mostly younger than me. We started doing research and practicing debates and then everything around me came crashing down. I was suddenly so stressed and couldn't handle myself anymore, I was counting down hours before I could go home. That was when I realized that it's okay to say goodbye. It's okay to walk away and it's okay to not want to do something anymore. We are so hellbent over committing permanently to something without realizing that commitment doesn't have to be forever. It's okay to put yourself first. <3

Traveling Alone

Recently I went to Slovakia by myself to visit friends and family. It was tons of fun and the freedom felt great until bumps in my road occurred. Traveling alone on a budget isn't easy. I often would skip lunch because I didn't have the cash to buy something. But I still had a good time. I realized that money doesn't grow on trees and it is indeed limited. Right when I got home I went on a massive shopping spree but it felt good. On the way home, all 3 of my flights got delayed and instead of a 16 hour trip, it was a 25 hour trip. I realized that while I may be mature and independent, I still need my mom to answer questions like "my flight got delayed and I will miss my connection, what do I do?" But I learned. And I got 2 tattoos, one of which is a friendship tattoo with a best friend of mine. Fun days. -Sylvia Karjala

Finals

As the end of the year approaches, finals season is upon us. I just wanted to remind any passer-by that you CAN do this. You can push through! I know this time of year is beyond stressful but take a step back and remember your goals, what you're thankful for and take a minute for yourself! Finals suck but they are not the end of the world nor are they impossible. You know more than you think you do and you can do more than you realize. Stressed out at work? Remember to breathe, smile, take one thing at a time and realize that nothing is permanent. No bad feelings last forever and enjoy the fun ones while they last. Just keep climbing! Love always.

Don't Look Back

Sometimes, when things end, it's best to leave it at that and move on. The boy that I dated December 2014-June 2015 decided that it would be appropriate to message me again saying sorry. While I appreciate the gesture, it would have been better to leave things alone. The other day he told me he loves me. Something I find really irritating is that he throws those words around like candy. They're supposed to actually mean something, right? Don't come asking for me back when it was you who left. Don't come telling me I'm amazing, that's not what I want to hear. Tell me you're sorry and leave. Or don't come back in the first place. But don't you dare tell me you love me and want me back. You don't know what love is.

Secrets and Lies

We've all got our little secrets or white lies but when is it too much? In all honesty, I've been exploring the world around my through the eyes of someone else. I pretended to be someone else. I basically lived two lives: The one that all my friends were aware of, and the one that no one knew about. So basically only about 30% of people who talked to me regularly, actually knew me. The first round of my double life, I became too stressed out and decided to kill one of me. The second time around I got shut down and now I realize it was for the better. Whatever you're lying about, don't convince yourself that it's okay, it's not. Lots of love.

You Know You Have A Problem When...

You know you have a problem when you skip out on going out with friends just so you can weigh yourself. You know you have a problem when you weight yourself 7 times a day, even if all you've eaten is a grape. You know you have a problem when you get an anxiety attack over picking an item from the menu at a restaurant. You know you have a problem when you consume diet pills more regularly that food. You know you have a problem when all you think about is how much weight you have to lose. You know you have a problem when you workout 3 times a day for an hour and think thats still not enough. You know you have a problem when you join every pro-ana site you can find. You know you have a problem when you give speeches in speech and debate about the dangers of eating disorders and then continue to ignore the fact that you're seriously unhealthy. We ignore these problems in ourselves and in others. We think that we aren't sick enough because we haven't been through inpatient therapy. We think we don't have a problem because everyone ignores us. We think we are normal because we aren't underweight and thus we are too fat. This is real and it's happening all around. If some of us don't get help for an eating disorder, we will die. Anorexia kills 1/4 of sufferers. That is the most of any mental disorder. Why do we keep ignoring these things? Why do we keep ignoring the signs that are flashing in red right in front of our eyes? What is wrong with us? We need help. I need help. Eating disorders have been part of my life for years. I need help.