Walk Away

Recently, I went to a debate camp thing. I do Policy debate which if anyone knows anything about it, it's hell. I decided that the camp would be a good idea for me to get better and for me to fully get a grasp on the topic and debate style. The camp started and all was good, I was enjoying it; the people were mostly younger than me. We started doing research and practicing debates and then everything around me came crashing down. I was suddenly so stressed and couldn't handle myself anymore, I was counting down hours before I could go home. That was when I realized that it's okay to say goodbye. It's okay to walk away and it's okay to not want to do something anymore. We are so hellbent over committing permanently to something without realizing that commitment doesn't have to be forever. It's okay to put yourself first. <3

Traveling Alone

Recently I went to Slovakia by myself to visit friends and family. It was tons of fun and the freedom felt great until bumps in my road occurred. Traveling alone on a budget isn't easy. I often would skip lunch because I didn't have the cash to buy something. But I still had a good time. I realized that money doesn't grow on trees and it is indeed limited. Right when I got home I went on a massive shopping spree but it felt good. On the way home, all 3 of my flights got delayed and instead of a 16 hour trip, it was a 25 hour trip. I realized that while I may be mature and independent, I still need my mom to answer questions like "my flight got delayed and I will miss my connection, what do I do?" But I learned. And I got 2 tattoos, one of which is a friendship tattoo with a best friend of mine. Fun days. -Sylvia Karjala

Nothing is Permanent

I've been super busy doing things that are stressful, time consuming, or frankly things I'd rather not be doing. Every time I go to work I have to remind myself to smile and to be respectful because nothing is permanent. Every bad time passes, every final is at some point over, every job at one point ends and every feeling goes away whether it be good or bad. Through tough times, though its difficult, you have to remind yourself to smile and push through the storm because eventually, it WILL end.

The best thing you can do is let go.

Towards the beginning of this year my most recent relationship fell apart. Letting go was hard and ultimately I was doing well, until the boy decided to say hi again. He once told me that he would come back and we could be friends- that's great; I never expected him to actually come back. I was in shock for a few moments and then realized that my anxiety over the following days had spiked. This wasn't a feeling I liked. I told him I needed time to let myself get into a better mindset and fully understand my surroundings and who I am as a person before I came back. I wasn't ready to be friends. I wasn't ready to talk. I was ready to let go. Maybe this was the goodbye I needed. Maybe I just needed to realize that things weren't going to happen and he is merely destructive to me in the end. All differences aside, I'm thankful that he's okay and I'm hopeful we can embark on a close-knit friendship. But at the end of the day, the best thing you can do for yourself is let go.

Post-Warped/Flight #1

Warped was actually kinda fun, I met some bands. I met Escape the Fate, Our Last Night, The Amity Affliction, SayWeCanFly, Consider Me Dead, and some other cool people. It was really hot, I'm pretty sure I sweat out 1/2 of my body weight. The free Monster was actually bad because I drank far too much and got really jittery and in that heat, it wasn't a great idea. I crowd surfed and moshed- you know, the usual Warped endeavors. Today I had to wake up at 5 in order to make it to the airport to catch an early flight to LAX, then 2 more stops until my destination. If LAX lived up to the name I'd be happy but frankly it is the opposite of lax, its like a-lax because this stupid airport is stressful as nothing else. Finally got my MacBook fixed though, highlight of my day.

Warped Tour 2015

Warped Tour is today- I'm really not as excited as I used to be. Maybe it's because it is extremely hot outside (113 degrees!) or simply because I'm growing up. Growing up kinda sucks. I hope I'll meet some cool people, I'm really excited to see The Amity Affliction. Too bad my close friends aren't going, can't blame them though. Leaving the country tomorrow- my schedule is utterly crazy. I got back from Massachusetts last Tuesday, today is Warped, tomorrow is a long series of flights and in the midst of all of that, I've had SAT prep sessions. Woo to being your average over achiever. Until next time.

Self worth/thank you

Last week I attended a camp for Congressional Debate called SWSDI. I learned a lot about debate but more importantly I learned about myself. It's easy to think that no one loves you, or that no one cares, but SWSDI kids taught me otherwise. They made me realize that I am loved by many people and frankly if I left this world, they'd be affected. I realized that I am worthy. I gave a speech on self love and I wanted to take a minute out of your day to tell you to go to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself that you are worthy, beautiful, smart, and most importantly, a boss ass bitch. Life is too short to hate yourself and honestly you're stuck in your body so you might as well love the one you've got. There is no one better at being you than you. Realize that there is someone out there that will love you forever. And you will love them too. If you dwell on how much you hate yourself, how can you possibly expect anyone to love you? You need to put yourself first for once. People DO care about you. I care about you. I would like to thank the people that helped me realize that life is worth living. I hope you all stay in my life forever. First off, my best friend Marggie. You're absolutely beautiful in every single way. You give me silly advice that makes me smile and almost makes the problem evaporate. You're the only person that would support me in moving to Jupiter if I wanted to. In fact, you'd move with me. I love you. Next are Patrick, Erin, and Aamirah. Now Aamirah and I have had our ups and downs but you still changed my view of myself. The three of you sat me down to tell me that I'm worthy. That there is a light inside of me that someone will appreciate. Thank you. Nicole, you made me see that I can escape my problems through music, much like you do. I rely on music to get me through some days and it reminds me of when we met at the Bury the Hatchet tour during Escape the Fate's set. I love you. Aaron, oh Aaron, you talk to me about silly little things that brighten my day just a little bit. You don't realize just how much these pointless conversations mean to me. Jay, you have shaped me as a debater and as a person. You've indirectly shown me to be confident in everything I do, not just my speeches. Robert, you have always had my back, since day one. I have never appreciated conversations more. You are one of my bestfriends and I love you. We have deep conversations but we also stay light on our feet. Thank you for listening to my rants and understanding me in a way that most can't. The beyond gorgeous Jocelyn has shown me that through the ups and downs of life, there are still people by my side. You were like my sister through the rough parts of life and you still continue to be there for me. Shay is just as much of a mess as I am but we lean on each other. I'm sorry if you're reading this and you're bored, I just think we need to take more time out of our days to thank the people that we love. Orion, you'e been here for me for the last five years and I hope you stay around. I'm always here for you, I hope you know that. Last but unquestionably not least is Leon. I love you so much I can't put it into words. Of course this isn't everyone, but these people shaped my life dramatically. And I thank them. Sorry for almost ranting. I am always here for you guys no matter what. Don't hesitate to contact me. Kik: sisogula Snapchat: rebelchild111

Warped Tour

Yesterday was he day for Warped in Arizona. Of course, I had to go. I bought tickets in November and have been waiting for yesterday all year. Sadly, last week my brother bailed on me (he was supposed to go but something came up.) I got to take my best friend. The day started with us standing in line at 9 in the morning. At 11 we were let in. I went to go buy things of course. I bought a pair of Vans, an Attila shirt, a Jeffree Star shirt, and then went to go watch Ghost Town and then Mayday Parade in order to kill time before I went to see the bands I genuinely cared about. First I met 2 members of my favorite band, Motionless in White. They signed the pictures I drew of them and that was it. Later, I went to go watch Atilla play. At 4:00 I met Jeffree Star. This man is the reason I am still standing strong and tall. Meeting him was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced at a concert. I told me he loved me and happily took the fan art that I drew for him. At 4:40 I watched Motionless in White until 5:00 when I went to go meet Attila. I had fan art for them to sign too and they loved it. They high fived me and told me it looked as if it was printed. Made my day. But the day only got better. While we were in line to meet Attila, I started talking to a guy. His name is Nathan. We got really close that night. I started feeling sick so I put my head down to get sun out of my face. He lifted my arms and hugged me for what seemed like forever. We hugged many times that night. He hugged me so tightly, I could feel my broken pieces being stuck back together. I really want to talk to him again. He genuinely made me smile. We ended up hanging out for about 5 hours.

End of the year

School ended on Friday. I have to say that it was not like in the movies where everyone is excited to leave. I honestly couldn't care less if school was over or not. I already miss my friends... and some of my teachers. I hardly got to say goodbye to some of my classmates. I keep re-reading my yearbook notes and they almost bring tears to my eyes; only now do I see how much my teachers and friends appreciated my endless work. I appreciate it now, but this last year has been hell. The trip to Durango was an amazing way to end the year but it almost ripped my heart out. I have made so many memories on that trip that I now long to go back. At least I'm going to the Bahamas and Costa Rica and Warped tour. Anyone else going to Warped in Arizona? Hit me up!! Someone kik me at rebelution159 (: Have an amazing summer. I will be sure to make frequent updates for those that actually contact me from here.

Durango

So the trip is actually fun! We went rafting yesterday; I haven't had more fun in a very long time. The picture is of our tent. I thought it logged pretty so I took a picture. We only have today left and we're leaving tomorrow. Today we're going hiking and our teachers are taking us to a spa after. I'm excited. It'll be nice to be in hot water after freezing here. The oil for my hair froze last night. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep because of how cold I was. Anyway, hope you enjoy the end of the school year. Summer is almost here!

Durango

I am going to Durango, Colorado with some classmates on Monday! Problem is, most of them absolutely hate me. Maybe I can fall into the river while rafting and no one will notice. This is so insanely stressful. I will try to make the most of this. After all, it might be fun and I'm just not giving it a chance! :) Remember to smile today!