Nothing is Permanent

I've been super busy doing things that are stressful, time consuming, or frankly things I'd rather not be doing. Every time I go to work I have to remind myself to smile and to be respectful because nothing is permanent. Every bad time passes, every final is at some point over, every job at one point ends and every feeling goes away whether it be good or bad. Through tough times, though its difficult, you have to remind yourself to smile and push through the storm because eventually, it WILL end.

Don't Look Back

Sometimes, when things end, it's best to leave it at that and move on. The boy that I dated December 2014-June 2015 decided that it would be appropriate to message me again saying sorry. While I appreciate the gesture, it would have been better to leave things alone. The other day he told me he loves me. Something I find really irritating is that he throws those words around like candy. They're supposed to actually mean something, right? Don't come asking for me back when it was you who left. Don't come telling me I'm amazing, that's not what I want to hear. Tell me you're sorry and leave. Or don't come back in the first place. But don't you dare tell me you love me and want me back. You don't know what love is.

The best thing you can do is let go.

Towards the beginning of this year my most recent relationship fell apart. Letting go was hard and ultimately I was doing well, until the boy decided to say hi again. He once told me that he would come back and we could be friends- that's great; I never expected him to actually come back. I was in shock for a few moments and then realized that my anxiety over the following days had spiked. This wasn't a feeling I liked. I told him I needed time to let myself get into a better mindset and fully understand my surroundings and who I am as a person before I came back. I wasn't ready to be friends. I wasn't ready to talk. I was ready to let go. Maybe this was the goodbye I needed. Maybe I just needed to realize that things weren't going to happen and he is merely destructive to me in the end. All differences aside, I'm thankful that he's okay and I'm hopeful we can embark on a close-knit friendship. But at the end of the day, the best thing you can do for yourself is let go.

How to Handle Stress

Let's be real- school, relationships, work, life in general gets stressful. So far this year I've cut off a relationship, started working, started 2 new leadership roles, and basically I'm going crazy. My stress-release is the gym but with my new diet designed for cutting, my lack of simple carbs is making me cranky. I find it amusing that I genuinely enjoy going to work- pushing carts, bagging groceries, cleaning spills... doesn't sound too glamorous does it? Somehow work is really lovely for me. I love most of my coworkers. When it comes to school, my stress level is breaking me. So at the end of the day.. school still sucks. Love always.

My Experience with Distance

As anyone that reads my blog will know, I take part in long distance relationships all too often. Since I was about 13 people have told me that long distance never works and I even went so far as to "date" boys in England. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. Up until about a week ago I believed that I absolutely had to prove the world wrong by making a long distance relationship work. Quite frankly I'm done trying to prove myself. I'm done trying to make something work that will eventually fail. So let me tell you what it's been like. The emotional connection that you have with the person is fun while it lasts. The paranoia and anxiety over what they are doing at all times is heart-attack worthy. The craving to see them is insane. The worst part is, you don't interact with the person physically so you end up making up some things about them so that in your perfect little relationship world, they're perfect. They tell you they don't cheat, you believe them. After all, they make you feel special! Why would they cheat? They tell you they love you, you believe them. After all, they make you feel like you matter to them! Why would they want to use you? But the fact of the matter is, when you see them, sexual matters become a concern and things move far more quickly than perhaps expected. The tension is so huge because of not seeing each other often that it's a bit much to handle. The pain of not being able to send them flowers or surprise them at work or sit with them at lunch is surreal. The pain of time differences is awful. The pain of fighting over distance is not worth it. I've always put 100% of myself into relationships whether they're long distance or in person but the thing is, I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of being let down by people that were perfect in my head but ultimately horrible in reality. Sometimes we don't see the dark side of people; not because it's not there, but because we choose not to see it. Our minds are incredibly powerful and when we want to think something is a fact, we will indeed think that no matter what evidence shows otherwise. All you young girls and boys out there that could potentially stumble upon this one of these days: don't do distance. If you've never met before in person and you think it'll work out, it won't. It's a different story when a home town relationships becomes distance but even that is difficult. If you're a teenager and you think you're the exception to the failures of distance relationships, you're not. Don't believe that you are. I believed that I was. Every single time I was in a distance relationship I believed that this time would be the exception. And you know what? Time and time again I'm proven that I am no exception to the failure of distance relationships. Just don't do it. Don't put yourself through that. Take it from me, it won't end well. I'm happy now. But now my happiness doesn't require a boy, it's solely based off of me and I'm so proud of that. Stay strong through no matter what obstacles life throws at you. Lots of love, -Sylvia.

Slovakian Adventures

This summer has been blissful. I've met so many wonderful people and have created so many new beautiful memories. I've explored a new faith and fallen in love with the world. My friend has been rooming with me for a week now and we decided to go for a Friday outing to go dancing and whatnot but 10 minutes into our adventure we were approached by boys in their low 20s.They said they were visiting Bratislava and wanted 2 pretty girls to show them around so we decided to show them to a few pubs. We ended up spending the whole night with them. My friend went off with one of them and I was stuck with the remaining 2 which wasn't bad but one of them was incredibly touchy which is awkward being taken and all. But it was a night I won't forget. I was flattered to have been approached. This summer I grew. I fell in love and opened my eyes. I'm ready to take on the next year and genuinely enjoy it. Thank you Slovakia. I love you.

Escaping reality

Yesterday my Slovak babe and I went to her weekend house in a small village in Slovakia. We grilled chicken and ate chips and then I taught her how to make s'mores. Walking around, we met some cool people and even had our drinks (mineral water) bought for us at the pub we went to. Getting mineral water at a pub? Yeah we're those girls. The best part however was not getting to spend time together and eat good food, it was being away from people we knew and being disconnected from the internet and cell service. We were free from any pressures of society and could at last be ourselves. That's what I value most out of everything. We ended up walking 12 kilometers to get home which was a journey in itself. On the way home we stopped to get some cheese and milkshakes which was amazing. Little moments like these end up making time worthwhile.

Heartbreak

So there was this boy, he was a great boy... or so I thought. I was wrong. I dated him for 6 months, flew out to visit him twice and loved him unconditionally. We got along really well and had plans for the future which I held onto. Today I arrived in Slovakia but as I stepped off of the plane in Paris, I noticed that he blocked me on Tumblr and Facebook. I frantically texted him only to receive an immature reply of "I did warn you. But you thought you were different. Special. When all along, you were just another heart in my jar." I hate to break it to you hun, my heart is no longer yours. In fact, it never was. It hurts to lose him but I know its right. There are better people out there, I know I'll find them. I'm worth so much more than this pathetic excuse of a boyfriend. I'm worth it. I deserve it. I'll be okay. I am, after all, imperfectly perfect. "There's no such thing as failure" -Dream on Dreamer Love always, -me.

Back to school!

Hey guys, school started for me one week ago and it's already intense. I go to a college prep school (BASIS) and we already have 7 quizzes planned for this week. I hope I can make it through this year without breaking down too much! Is anyone here really good at chemistry? I may or may not need help. Thankfully AP Calculus and my other AP classes are going relatively well. I hope you all have a great school year! Remember: study hard and get A's. It's important. No matter how hard or stressful things will get, you can do it. I promise! Stand strong. Love always, -Sylvia <3

Self worth/thank you

Last week I attended a camp for Congressional Debate called SWSDI. I learned a lot about debate but more importantly I learned about myself. It's easy to think that no one loves you, or that no one cares, but SWSDI kids taught me otherwise. They made me realize that I am loved by many people and frankly if I left this world, they'd be affected. I realized that I am worthy. I gave a speech on self love and I wanted to take a minute out of your day to tell you to go to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself that you are worthy, beautiful, smart, and most importantly, a boss ass bitch. Life is too short to hate yourself and honestly you're stuck in your body so you might as well love the one you've got. There is no one better at being you than you. Realize that there is someone out there that will love you forever. And you will love them too. If you dwell on how much you hate yourself, how can you possibly expect anyone to love you? You need to put yourself first for once. People DO care about you. I care about you. I would like to thank the people that helped me realize that life is worth living. I hope you all stay in my life forever. First off, my best friend Marggie. You're absolutely beautiful in every single way. You give me silly advice that makes me smile and almost makes the problem evaporate. You're the only person that would support me in moving to Jupiter if I wanted to. In fact, you'd move with me. I love you. Next are Patrick, Erin, and Aamirah. Now Aamirah and I have had our ups and downs but you still changed my view of myself. The three of you sat me down to tell me that I'm worthy. That there is a light inside of me that someone will appreciate. Thank you. Nicole, you made me see that I can escape my problems through music, much like you do. I rely on music to get me through some days and it reminds me of when we met at the Bury the Hatchet tour during Escape the Fate's set. I love you. Aaron, oh Aaron, you talk to me about silly little things that brighten my day just a little bit. You don't realize just how much these pointless conversations mean to me. Jay, you have shaped me as a debater and as a person. You've indirectly shown me to be confident in everything I do, not just my speeches. Robert, you have always had my back, since day one. I have never appreciated conversations more. You are one of my bestfriends and I love you. We have deep conversations but we also stay light on our feet. Thank you for listening to my rants and understanding me in a way that most can't. The beyond gorgeous Jocelyn has shown me that through the ups and downs of life, there are still people by my side. You were like my sister through the rough parts of life and you still continue to be there for me. Shay is just as much of a mess as I am but we lean on each other. I'm sorry if you're reading this and you're bored, I just think we need to take more time out of our days to thank the people that we love. Orion, you'e been here for me for the last five years and I hope you stay around. I'm always here for you, I hope you know that. Last but unquestionably not least is Leon. I love you so much I can't put it into words. Of course this isn't everyone, but these people shaped my life dramatically. And I thank them. Sorry for almost ranting. I am always here for you guys no matter what. Don't hesitate to contact me. Kik: sisogula Snapchat: rebelchild111

Warped Tour

Yesterday was he day for Warped in Arizona. Of course, I had to go. I bought tickets in November and have been waiting for yesterday all year. Sadly, last week my brother bailed on me (he was supposed to go but something came up.) I got to take my best friend. The day started with us standing in line at 9 in the morning. At 11 we were let in. I went to go buy things of course. I bought a pair of Vans, an Attila shirt, a Jeffree Star shirt, and then went to go watch Ghost Town and then Mayday Parade in order to kill time before I went to see the bands I genuinely cared about. First I met 2 members of my favorite band, Motionless in White. They signed the pictures I drew of them and that was it. Later, I went to go watch Atilla play. At 4:00 I met Jeffree Star. This man is the reason I am still standing strong and tall. Meeting him was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced at a concert. I told me he loved me and happily took the fan art that I drew for him. At 4:40 I watched Motionless in White until 5:00 when I went to go meet Attila. I had fan art for them to sign too and they loved it. They high fived me and told me it looked as if it was printed. Made my day. But the day only got better. While we were in line to meet Attila, I started talking to a guy. His name is Nathan. We got really close that night. I started feeling sick so I put my head down to get sun out of my face. He lifted my arms and hugged me for what seemed like forever. We hugged many times that night. He hugged me so tightly, I could feel my broken pieces being stuck back together. I really want to talk to him again. He genuinely made me smile. We ended up hanging out for about 5 hours.

End of the year

School ended on Friday. I have to say that it was not like in the movies where everyone is excited to leave. I honestly couldn't care less if school was over or not. I already miss my friends... and some of my teachers. I hardly got to say goodbye to some of my classmates. I keep re-reading my yearbook notes and they almost bring tears to my eyes; only now do I see how much my teachers and friends appreciated my endless work. I appreciate it now, but this last year has been hell. The trip to Durango was an amazing way to end the year but it almost ripped my heart out. I have made so many memories on that trip that I now long to go back. At least I'm going to the Bahamas and Costa Rica and Warped tour. Anyone else going to Warped in Arizona? Hit me up!! Someone kik me at rebelution159 (: Have an amazing summer. I will be sure to make frequent updates for those that actually contact me from here.