Making Peace

Today is the International Day of Peace. Yay! I wanted to talk about the situation with the british boy. So I messaged the girl that I thought was just his ex and it turns out she was his girlfriend. She seemingly got kind of mad when I messaged her, which I understand entirely. Then, her bestfriend messaged me (which I didn't receive until three weeks after) which I guess I get but how was it my fault? He told me that the whole situation would've been avoided if I would've waited...but I guess that's something I've never been good at. So to everyone that this situation has involved, I am sorry. And I hope you forgive me for taking part in such a thing. I forgive you, and I do hope you will do the same. Gosh. I feel so bad. But I have forgiven myself. And that's what matters. I feel like I've successfully made peace with you. Who will you make peace with?

Back to school!

Hey guys, school started for me one week ago and it's already intense. I go to a college prep school (BASIS) and we already have 7 quizzes planned for this week. I hope I can make it through this year without breaking down too much! Is anyone here really good at chemistry? I may or may not need help. Thankfully AP Calculus and my other AP classes are going relatively well. I hope you all have a great school year! Remember: study hard and get A's. It's important. No matter how hard or stressful things will get, you can do it. I promise! Stand strong. Love always, -Sylvia <3

Over thinking

Do you know what it's like to overthink? Let me tell you that it sucks. I personally am a very passionate person. Meaning I feel everything. Every little thing people say has an impact on me. This doesn't have to be a negative impact. For example saying that you adopted a puppy will make me feel a very strong fuzzy feeling. But when someone says they have to talk to me but they don't tell me why, that stresses me out so much that I want to drown. It's scary. I don't even know. Feelings suck. And yes, hormones rage in teenage bodies but hormones are not entirely to blame for emotions. Sometimes I wish I was numb. At least right now I wish I could be numb. Remember to smile.

What if...

What if I'm not enough? What if he finds someone else? What if she learns to hate me? What if I'm not the only one that hates me? What if there is someone better for him out there? What if I can't make it? What if I lied? What if I'm beautiful? What if I'm worthy? What if there's more to me than this pain? What if I do make it through? What if I can't move on? What if I can't let go? What if I need you? What if I love you? What if I lose you? I'll be okay.

Self worth/thank you

Last week I attended a camp for Congressional Debate called SWSDI. I learned a lot about debate but more importantly I learned about myself. It's easy to think that no one loves you, or that no one cares, but SWSDI kids taught me otherwise. They made me realize that I am loved by many people and frankly if I left this world, they'd be affected. I realized that I am worthy. I gave a speech on self love and I wanted to take a minute out of your day to tell you to go to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself that you are worthy, beautiful, smart, and most importantly, a boss ass bitch. Life is too short to hate yourself and honestly you're stuck in your body so you might as well love the one you've got. There is no one better at being you than you. Realize that there is someone out there that will love you forever. And you will love them too. If you dwell on how much you hate yourself, how can you possibly expect anyone to love you? You need to put yourself first for once. People DO care about you. I care about you. I would like to thank the people that helped me realize that life is worth living. I hope you all stay in my life forever. First off, my best friend Marggie. You're absolutely beautiful in every single way. You give me silly advice that makes me smile and almost makes the problem evaporate. You're the only person that would support me in moving to Jupiter if I wanted to. In fact, you'd move with me. I love you. Next are Patrick, Erin, and Aamirah. Now Aamirah and I have had our ups and downs but you still changed my view of myself. The three of you sat me down to tell me that I'm worthy. That there is a light inside of me that someone will appreciate. Thank you. Nicole, you made me see that I can escape my problems through music, much like you do. I rely on music to get me through some days and it reminds me of when we met at the Bury the Hatchet tour during Escape the Fate's set. I love you. Aaron, oh Aaron, you talk to me about silly little things that brighten my day just a little bit. You don't realize just how much these pointless conversations mean to me. Jay, you have shaped me as a debater and as a person. You've indirectly shown me to be confident in everything I do, not just my speeches. Robert, you have always had my back, since day one. I have never appreciated conversations more. You are one of my bestfriends and I love you. We have deep conversations but we also stay light on our feet. Thank you for listening to my rants and understanding me in a way that most can't. The beyond gorgeous Jocelyn has shown me that through the ups and downs of life, there are still people by my side. You were like my sister through the rough parts of life and you still continue to be there for me. Shay is just as much of a mess as I am but we lean on each other. I'm sorry if you're reading this and you're bored, I just think we need to take more time out of our days to thank the people that we love. Orion, you'e been here for me for the last five years and I hope you stay around. I'm always here for you, I hope you know that. Last but unquestionably not least is Leon. I love you so much I can't put it into words. Of course this isn't everyone, but these people shaped my life dramatically. And I thank them. Sorry for almost ranting. I am always here for you guys no matter what. Don't hesitate to contact me. Kik: sisogula Snapchat: rebelchild111

Warped Tour

Yesterday was he day for Warped in Arizona. Of course, I had to go. I bought tickets in November and have been waiting for yesterday all year. Sadly, last week my brother bailed on me (he was supposed to go but something came up.) I got to take my best friend. The day started with us standing in line at 9 in the morning. At 11 we were let in. I went to go buy things of course. I bought a pair of Vans, an Attila shirt, a Jeffree Star shirt, and then went to go watch Ghost Town and then Mayday Parade in order to kill time before I went to see the bands I genuinely cared about. First I met 2 members of my favorite band, Motionless in White. They signed the pictures I drew of them and that was it. Later, I went to go watch Atilla play. At 4:00 I met Jeffree Star. This man is the reason I am still standing strong and tall. Meeting him was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced at a concert. I told me he loved me and happily took the fan art that I drew for him. At 4:40 I watched Motionless in White until 5:00 when I went to go meet Attila. I had fan art for them to sign too and they loved it. They high fived me and told me it looked as if it was printed. Made my day. But the day only got better. While we were in line to meet Attila, I started talking to a guy. His name is Nathan. We got really close that night. I started feeling sick so I put my head down to get sun out of my face. He lifted my arms and hugged me for what seemed like forever. We hugged many times that night. He hugged me so tightly, I could feel my broken pieces being stuck back together. I really want to talk to him again. He genuinely made me smile. We ended up hanging out for about 5 hours.

Bahamas

This last week I ws vacationing in the Bahamas. The picture is one of many beautiful sunsets here. I went snorkeling yesterday and ended up seeing a stigray and a baracuda which was moderately terrifying. Every time I walk downtown some random guy tells me I'm beautiful. I love it here. But sadly tomorrow i have to leave. I should spend today tanning. Im still pale.

End of the year

School ended on Friday. I have to say that it was not like in the movies where everyone is excited to leave. I honestly couldn't care less if school was over or not. I already miss my friends... and some of my teachers. I hardly got to say goodbye to some of my classmates. I keep re-reading my yearbook notes and they almost bring tears to my eyes; only now do I see how much my teachers and friends appreciated my endless work. I appreciate it now, but this last year has been hell. The trip to Durango was an amazing way to end the year but it almost ripped my heart out. I have made so many memories on that trip that I now long to go back. At least I'm going to the Bahamas and Costa Rica and Warped tour. Anyone else going to Warped in Arizona? Hit me up!! Someone kik me at rebelution159 (: Have an amazing summer. I will be sure to make frequent updates for those that actually contact me from here.

Durango

So the trip is actually fun! We went rafting yesterday; I haven't had more fun in a very long time. The picture is of our tent. I thought it logged pretty so I took a picture. We only have today left and we're leaving tomorrow. Today we're going hiking and our teachers are taking us to a spa after. I'm excited. It'll be nice to be in hot water after freezing here. The oil for my hair froze last night. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep because of how cold I was. Anyway, hope you enjoy the end of the school year. Summer is almost here!

Durango

I am going to Durango, Colorado with some classmates on Monday! Problem is, most of them absolutely hate me. Maybe I can fall into the river while rafting and no one will notice. This is so insanely stressful. I will try to make the most of this. After all, it might be fun and I'm just not giving it a chance! :) Remember to smile today!

It's my birthday guys!! I'm so happy! I hope your day was great. I just have 2 more finals to rock and then...SUMMER! Whoop!!! Remember to smile :3 follow my blog if you get the chance!

AP test

I took the AP US Government and Politics test today! It was good. I think I did well. AP tests are so stressful! After school my precalc teacher signed my yearbook but he wrote a whole paragraph. He told me that most teachers spend their entire teaching career looking for a student like me but he was lucky enough to get on in his first year as a high school teacher. This made me cry. A lot. I love this teacher, so much. I hope that I have him for AP Calculus next year. That would make me really happy. Finals are the rest of this week, I will rock them, I have to. For all of you taking finals or AP tests this week, good luck!!! xoxo

Good evening! So I wanted to take this time out of your day to talk about bands. I love bands. Metalcore, deathcore, hardcore, post-hardcore, you name it, I love it. But my favorite bands are Motionless In White, Blessthefall, Black Veil Brides, Dream on Dreamer, Linkin Park, Chelsea Grin, Suicide Silence, Memphis May Fire, and Pierce the Veil. These bands give me so much hope. Whenever I'm having a bad day, boom there they are for me. They make me realize that life isn't all darkness. There is the light at the end of the tunnel. They help me get over the fear of falling and never getting up. There's one person that I especially love: Jeffree Star. Don't like trans people? Stop reading now. Jeffree loves himself for who he is regardless of the hate. I want to be like that. Jeffree gives me reasons to love myself for me. He shows me that I don't have to be the same as everyone else for people to like me...and I don't have to have black hair to like hardcore music. What Jeffree has taught me is HUGE and I don't think I'll ever be able to thank him for all that he's done for me. Jeffree Star... I love you so so so so much. If you,reader, are feeling alone, I'm here for you. I'm here to listen to the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you've had a bad day, week, month, etc. drop the blade, put down the light, and go outside. Breathe in the smell of nature (if you live near nature) and smile because life is beautiful. Someday, no matter how dark life is right now, you will see that life is worth living.

I'm baaaaaaack! It's a few days before my birthday and I'm extremely excited. This weekend I get to go down to Build-A-Bear and Hot Topic (for band merch) with my bestfriend and Krispy Kreme after! Turn up! :3